Maybe You're Not Lacking Motivation or Willpower...
Is this you?
You know you need to start finally _____ [insert your carry over to-do list item here], and you’re trying to fit it in to your busy schedule but it still takes so much effort to make it happen despite months of thinking about it.
Or you start off strong with a new behavior, but after a couple weeks you fall off and it takes ages to pick it back up, so you find yourself in a never ending loop of starting over again and again.
Maybe at this point, you’re being hard on yourself for not “just doing it” or wondering why you can’t seem to be consistent even though you know it’s important or you really want that outcome.
I’ve been here more times than I could count or would like to admit. What finally changed the game for me was understanding the science behind behavior change and applying those learnings to my own goal list. The truth is forming new habits and changing behaviors requires more than just motivation or even willpower made of steel. Motivation fades and willpower alone can become depleted and won’t always stand up to the demands of a busy calendar. Instead, creating change that sticks just takes a little workshopping and the right environment.
How Habits Work
Habits are shortcuts our brains program to make us more efficient and save energy for other needs. If it’s habit to brush your teeth immediately upon waking up, for example, your brain doesn’t need to use energy to think about brushing your teeth and making the decision to do it. In fact, you may have found yourself at the sink with toothbrush in hand before you’re even fully awake. The same wiring process can lead to a habit of opening up social media apps without thinking about it, exercising regularly, or taking out the trash every Thursday night.
Our habits loops are stored deep in our brain’s basal ganglia region and can be extremely powerful, even shaping our lives. But, our brains have the incredible ability to rewire themselves and build new connections and shortcuts no matter our age, meaning we always have the power to change and create new habits.
21 days to form a habit is a MYTH
We’ve all heard a version of this before - just go to the gym for three weeks and it’ll be a habit! - but most of us can say from experience that we haven’t always found that to be the case. That’s because this number is a myth, popularized as a general observation about change in the ‘60s without any scientific backing.
Research shows it takes actually 66 days on average to form a new habit, but that can range anywhere from 18 to 254 days.1
That’s 3x longer on average than the saying goes, and with a lot of potential variety!
So… what makes habits stick? How can we end up closer to the 18 day side of the bell curve? And, how do we select the right habits to become part of our lifestyle for the long run vs to complete a short-term objective and forget about later?
I present to you, a little something I have so cleverly named the Triple-A framework!
AAA: Some components that work
Building good habits that stand the test of time is an art and a science. I’d like to highlight a few proven tactics that go beyond repetition and consistency - those are a given. Sorry to be the one to tell you this, but you are going to have to do the thing over time for it to become a habit. There are no shortcuts, but there are evidence-based theories we can lean on to make the process of change easier.
These theories are core to the coaching framework I bring to my clients, and this scientific approach is a key reason why health coaching actually works. Coach & client work through these elements, among others, to select the right goals to pursue so that the lifestyle shifts are sustainable for the long term.
Alignment
An indicator of whether or not you will stick with a new behavior you’re trying to introduce is whether or not it aligns with your values and your identity. Alternatively, you can view this as aligning your identity with your desired behavior. In Atomic Habits, James Clear gives the example of changing your mindset from “I run” to “I am a runner”. Aligning action with values and identity can evoke greater motivation.
Let’s run with the example above. If you choose to set a goal around jogging in pursuit of exercising more because you think you should, but you personally hate to run and believe it will damage your knee joints, you might form a habit around exercising but it will take much longer to cement and you probably won’t enjoy it. Six months down the road you’ll probably stop and wonder why you just can’t exercise consistently.
If you consider how you might see yourself as someone who exercises often, vs setting an arbitrary goal around jogging, maybe you’ll find you have tons of ideas for ways you can move your body. Then if you set a goal around attending spin classes, you’ll find yourself exercising more by habit with much less resistance. And much more joy!
Autonomy
Self-Determination theory deals with motivation. Intrinsic motivation comes from within while extrinsic motivation comes from something external.
What’s motivating you to create the new habit? Is it something you enjoy or find satisfaction in?
By choosing goals that are in alignment with personal values and identity, we make it easier to tap into our intrinsic motivation and increase our autonomy. In practice, this holds up. A study found that when trying to exercise consistently, people were almost twice as likely to maintain the behavior after six months if they were intrinsically motivated.2
Choosing goals and making changes based on intrinsic motivation - enjoyment, feeling better, having more energy during the day - makes us more likely to not only make a change, but to maintain it long term too. If the motivation to make the change is coming from an external source - family pressure, societal expectation, purely avoiding negative outcomes - it’s harder to turn the desired behavior into a habit you don’t have to think about.
Accountability
The third piece is key. Accountability will help you make new habits stick, especially if the change is stretching you or your motivation is drying up.
There are different types of accountability you can layer in when implementing a new habit:
personal - tracking completed workouts in a planner or journal
social (peer or community) - telling a friend about your plans or getting them to come to the gym with you as a workout buddy
professional - working with a health coach or other professional whose specific role is to provide accountability
Accountability works. The American Society of Training and Development (ASTD) found that people are 65% more likely to meet a goal if they commit to someone and they are 95% more likely to meet the goal with ongoing accountability meetings.3 Ninety-five!!! In other words, if you tell someone about your goal and have regular, scheduled meetings to discuss your progress, you’re almost guaranteed to make that goal a reality.
We’ve used exercise as an example here but this applies to any new habits you want to form, whether that’s consistently creating art, cooking with more vegetables, or getting into meditation.
Next time you want to cement a new habit easier and faster, run through the Triple As:
Is this thing I want to do aligned with my values and my identity, or how can I align myself with my desired outcome without compromising my values?
Do I have autonomy over this decision? If I’m making this change due to external pressure, is there some intrinsic motivation I can tap into to support myself in the new behavior?
Finally, how will I hold myself accountable for making this change? Do I need support from other sources to keep me accountable?
If you’re tired of starting over and ready to build wellness that lasts, I invite you to sign up to be a health coaching client! Health coaching is an evidence-based approach to behavior change that incorporates the research above and much more. With a personalized plan, accountability and support, you’ll finally make those habits stick. Let’s talk!
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1 Lally, P., van Jaarsveld, C. H., Potts, H. W., & Wardle, J. (2009). How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world. European Journal of Social Psychology, 40(6), 998–1009.
2 Teixeira, P. J., Carraca, E. V., Markland, D., Silva, M. N., & Ryan, R. M. (2012). Exercise, physical activity, and self-determination theory: A systematic review. International Journal of Behavioral Nutrition and Physical Activity, 9(1), 78. https://doi.org/10.1186/1479-5868-9-78
3 Newland, S. (2018). The Power of Accountability. The Standard, 3rd Quarter 2018. Association for Financial Counseling & Planning Education (AFCPE).
